the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
