do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
