So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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