i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
