Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
