Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
