I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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