All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
