whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize