Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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