Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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