im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
