You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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