i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize