i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
