Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
