Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
