guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Please don't give away my fajitas
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
