just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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