He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
