All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
someone get that fucking seahorse.
someone owes me an orgasm
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize