i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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