She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
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