i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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