How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Someone came in the potted fern
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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