You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I got inside last night via doggy door
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
