I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
