I heard we made out
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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