I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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