hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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