Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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