i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
