Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
