those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize