I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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