omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
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