He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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