When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You made out with two different species that night
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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