just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
