That's intense
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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