At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
