seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
