thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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