Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
