Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
