Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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