Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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