Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
