she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
