OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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