is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
