are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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