onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
