I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
