Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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