Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
