i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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