you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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