After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
