just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
