My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
