He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
