I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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