Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
