Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize