it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
