Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We need a shit load of segways right now
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize